Help Me Hate Google

We all use Google search. I know you use Google. Know how I know? Because you use Google. I know you don’t not use Google, don’t try to convince me otherwise.

Go ahead and complain about how Google owns the entire Internet market of everything, complain about Google’s arrogance or about how it helped China to censor the Internet. Grumble about how Google is squirming into every aspect of your life. Make a fuss over how the word google has turned into a verb. Bitch about how much better your unknown, niche search engine is.

Yahoo! will never make a comeback, Windows Live search has always sucked, and you’re not going to convince me to use imacoolsearchengine.com.

Top 1 Reasons Why Google Search Sucks

1. Because it doesn’t.

Google search sucks because we can’t find a reason for it to suck. Google search is simple, easy-to-use, reliable, accurate, vast, fun, and there. It’s there. It’s everywhere. I don’t even have to go to google.com to use it. Sometimes I’m searching with Google and I don’t even notice. Powered by Google is one of the most used phrases on the internet.

We want to find a reason to hate Google like we can find for Walmart or Microsoft. I want to hate Google. I hate that I can’t hate Google.

Google ads may suck. Google web browsers may suck. Google maps may suck. Google search does not suck. Go and google something (I hate that I just used it as a verb) and tell me that your search experience sucked. Oh it did suck? Really? You’re lying. That search was wonderful, it was amazing. You found what you wanted and several other interesting things.

Are you going to tell me that Google search isn’t the best for search engine optimization? Are you going to inform me that it’s search algorithm is sub-par? BS. Give me side-by-side comparisons to go with your arguments accompanied by search engine speeds and results, then shove it up your ass. Statistics show that 99% of users find what they want on the first page of a Google search and the other 1% are racist bastards.

Excuse my language. My feelings are getting the best of me. I want to hate Google search so much, so much…but here I am, unable to accept any Google search directed criticism. Give me rhyme or reason to hate Google search. I’ve heard many testimonies, but none that have been solid reasons as to why Google search is a bad thing, or why it is anything less than a great thing.

Please help me.