The New Year Linux Resolution: Day Four

The plan: Ring in the new year by switching over to Linux for a week, documenting each day of the transition.

Day 4, A feeble attempt at breaking Linux in!

Other days: Day One, Day Two, Day Three, Day Five, Day Six, Day Seven

On day three I got all snuggly with Linux on the couch and we just talked, you know? We got to know each other better and, among other things, I wasted some time playing video games. I’ve wasted time playing games before, but they were never quite so Linuxy. The memories of me and Linux frolicking together in the sun of day three will stay with me forever.

And now that we’re close friends it’s time for the next logical step in our relationship: that’s right, it’s time for me to break Linux in like a mule, pummeling it about the head and neck regions until it bends to my will, obeying my every command. So come join me on my joyous and celebratory feeble attempt at breaking Linux in!

First up is to address the issue I’ve been having with my wireless adapter. The issue is fairly simple: my wireless adapter does not even kind of work a little bit. It won’t even show up when I supplement my right click of the network icon in the taskbar with a commanding and powerful “pleeeeeeeease?”

So it’s time to sift through the electronic dirt and muck that is the Internet for some drivers. First I decide to check the Ubuntu documentation for some advice. The documentation and I have never met before, and I can only assume it is jealous of the loving relationship that Linux and I have developed, because it doesn’t seem to want to help me at all. It even calls me a “shifty-eyed grifter” at one point. Harsh.

The only thing I can get out of the documentation is that I should enter a command in the console to find out the status of my wireless card. According to the console report my wireless adapter is apparently “UNCLAIMED,” which just means I’m going to have to hit it in the mouth with a club, throw it over my shoulder, and drag it back to my cave, making it CLAIMED as my own.

The next step in my kidnapping scheme¢â‚¬â€I mean… my scheme that has nothing to do with kidnapping¢â‚¬â€is to head to Synaptic to get the very sexily-titled ndisgtk. (Oh ndisgtk, your name has such an unreasonable amount of consonants! It’s so hot.)

After I’ve installed ndisgtk, Ubuntu informs me that I “can close the window now,” as if to imply that it wouldn’t have been an option unless Ubuntu had been gracious enough to let it happen. I see my brutal taming of you is going well, Linux.

The rest of the stuff in Synaptic looks pretty scary and technical, (except the very cute sounding Amateur Radio section, which I can only assume has something to do with the Ham Radio and Linux Enthusiasts Convention I’ve heard so much about,) so I nobly flee as fast I can to look for the .inf file I need to install.

At this point I’m beginning to think that maybe my plan to bust into Linux Town and unilaterally occupy it is maybe back-firing a bit. But like all the best conquerors I ignore my signs of failure and move on. So I locate the .inf file for my wireless card in the Windows Wireless Driver app that I installed, load it up, and watch intently as it does exactly nothing.

There is still no option for wireless connections in my taskbar, and even the tried and true method of restarting my computer and yelling, “Look out, Linux, your arms are on fire!” just as the wireless drivers are loading doesn’t seem to do anything. (Don’t worry, Linux’s arms weren’t actually on fire. It was just a clever ploy to make it lose focus.)

With the bittersweet, and surprisingly salty, taste of defeat in my mouth I head to the forums, where I find that apparently many people with the same wireless adapter as me have had the same problem. Unfortunately there seems to be at least four or six or three different potential solutions or something-elses to the problem, the success of each of which is determined by the drawing of tarot cards and your performance of a very particular ritual sacrifice. You win this time, Linux…

Now that I’ve established my sheer dominance over Linux in the area of wireless driver installing, it’s time to conquer sound recording. Audacity installs with no problems through the Add/Remove programs app, and I jump in to see what recording is like in the world of Linux.

My recording hardware is a USB pre-amp with some super-duper proprietary drivers, so I get the feeling that there’s a better chance of me winning the Pulitzer for my gripping journalism than this working. (Seriously, they are way proprietary, dudes.)

To my surprise the pre-amp does show up in the input menu… sort of. I can select it as the input, but I can’t specifically select the second input of the pre-amp, which restricts my recording options pretty badly. A bit of messing around reveals what looks like a possible solution, until I realize that it was actually just a glimmer of hope that was caught in my eye.

I wipe the hope away and callously discard it. There may be a way of fixing this issue that I’m not aware of, but for now it looks like I won’t exactly be smashing my Mac with a hammer in favour of recording in Linux. (The only way I can record music is if I smash every other computer in my room with a hammer first. Call it one of my lovable quirks.)

With my dominion over sound recording in Linux firmly established and the population of Linux Town kneeling before me, it’s time to march into the realm of video graphics drivers, so I can get some of those sweet desktop effects working.

This time I skip the documentation and go straight to the forums, which experience has shown is the hangout of the most hardcore advisers and their customized leather jackets. Unfortunately, the process of getting my video drivers working seems similar to the process for fixing my wireless drivers, only with way more ritual sacrifice and just a little bit more baby-eating.

Apparently the simple answer to my problem is that Linux already includes my drivers, except for the minor caveats that they don’t show up, don’t work, can’t be found by me, and don’t actually exist. The more complex answer has something to do with restricted drivers, which sound a little bit dangerous (and kind of kinky.) With my formerly massive ego now reduced to a mere infinitesimal point by the untameable stallion that is Linux, I decide to leave graphics drivers for another day.

My last project is to try printing. Weary and battle-worn, I skip all the advice stuff and haphazardly plug my printer into the USB slot. I jump into openoffice, type up some gripping literature, and try to get it working by sheer force of will alone. Unfortunately the process fails catastrophically, melting my… wait, it worked! I clicked print, and it printed!

TAKE THAT, LINUX! BOOYA. Ash: 1, Linux: Some other number that isn’t 1! That’s right Linux, I’m number 1!

My campaign of Linux domination has truly succeeded beyond all expectations. Today was a wonderful triumph, worthy of sitting next to the achievements of Genghis Khan and Alexander the Great in the annals of history. Nay, it ought to sit on top of their achievements, like a king sitting atop his throne.

Yes, tales will be told of these events for ages, and… Oh, who am I kidding. Linux folded me up like a fleshy pretzel and dribbled me around like a basketball, ceasing its humiliation of me only to dunk me into a garbage can full of proprietary drivers and shame.

All joking aside, I’m not worried that any of these things didn’t work that well, and I didn’t really expect them to go off without a hitch anyways. Ubuntu is still a developing OS, and there’s loads of hardware out there for the developers to account for and get working.

PCs are unique machines in that almost no two are alike, and programming an OS so that every little piece of hardware works and every driver is supported is a daunting task to say the least. The fact that sound recording worked at all with my pre-amp, even in its limited capacity, and that printing worked flawlessly, were both pleasant surprises. In order to get my pre-amp working at all on my Mac I needed to install some drivers in a decidedly un-mac-like way, so the fact that Linux recognized it right away is quite impressive.

Further, people with the same hardware as me had the same problems, and the forum inhabitants were diligently working away on it. I imagine it’s only a matter of time before the developers work out these particular issues. With enough work I might be able to find an answer myself, given that I’ve only had one day to mess around with these issues.

And with that comes the end of Day Four. Stay tuned for my next day, when I mess around with virtualization, maybe!

Other days: Day One, Day Two, Day Three, Day Five, Day Six, Day Seven

I’m Linux Contest

The Linux Foundation is launching a contest to find the best I’m Linux video.

We have all seen the I’m a Mac commercials and the countless parodies, we have also seen the more recent I’m a PC commercials which sought to counterattack the powerful Mac ads. Now the Linux Foundation wants to inspire a new generation of Linux users through this video contest they are holding on their new video site.

The Linux Foundation does not intend to make a TV commercial out of the winning video, it hopes the contest and videos will create enough exposure on its own. The goal of this contest is to spread the word about Linux and inspire new users to try the system through these videos. The videos will be 60 seconds or less and will showcase why Linux users love the open-source system.

Entrants will be judged on originality, clarity of message, the video site community votes, and how much it inspires others to give Linux a try. The winner will be awarded a free trip to Tokyo to join in on the Linux Foundation Japan Linux Symposium in October 2009.

The videos are not intended to simply parody the Mac and PC commercials, but you’re allowed to do so if you wish. The videos can be high quality productions or homemade webcam spots, the only true criterion is that you show how much you love Linux.

The contest won’t officially be announced until late January, but Linux Foundation has posted a link to upload your videos if you want to get a head start.

I think this is a fun idea, but a little late considering the I’m a *blank* parodies have already been played to death. If the contest were created back when the first I’m a PC ads were aired it would have been a little more timely, but now people might see these videos as a sign that Linux is behind the times.