iGoogle Showcase: Finally I Can Pretend I am Using The Kutch’s Computer

Google’s iGoogle Showcase was revealed earlier this week, allowing everyone on the whole Internet to look at the homepages personally approved by the publicists of celebrities.

With iGoogle Showcase anyone can take a look at the widgets and plugins that barely likeable celebrities like Al Gore, Demi Moore, Ashton The Kutch Kutcher, Martha Stewart, Ryan Seacreast, and others use on their Google homepages.

Mind you, use should be taken very lightly here.

At first I wasn’t sure what the purpose of showcase was. Then later on I figured something out: I still had no idea know what the point of iGoogle Showcase was. To be honest as of this exact moment I cannot clearly discern any sort of useful purpose for Showcase.

The thing is, there isn’t any obvious use for Showcase. Unlike some of Google’s other neat apps, like Gmail and Google Docs and SketchUp, which are all immediately useful in some ways, Showcase doesn’t provide us with any sort of tools or devices that make things possible. It doesn’t even provide something as vague as an e-solution.

Let me explain. Each Showcase page is ostensibly the personal page of a celebrity, implying that the widgets on it were chosen by a celebrity. That these pages are personal also implies that celebrities make use of them regularly, but that seems unlikely, given how they look like they were designed by a soulless robot programmed to mechanically coordinate PR initiatives.

Are we really supposed to believe that Kevin Rose has a Digg widget on his homepage, even though he owns the freaking website, or that Ryan Seacrest looks up American Idol updates, even though he is literally the first person on the planet to know when someone is voted off? That would be like Wyclef Jean looking for updates about the new album that he himself is writing.

Oh wait, that is already on his iGoogle page.

So are these actually the personal pages of celebrities? Of course not. The fact of the matter is that Showcase doesn’t have any point because it is just marketing. Each page is a thin veil of celebrity publicity, crafted to reinforce a consistent public image while covering some pretty clumsy marketing. Andy Roddick is a tennis player, so his page has a tennis ball. Rachel Ray’s page has a word scramble, because absolutely all stay-at-home moms in the universe like little daily newspaper puzzles. Al Gore’s page has Jon Stewart quotes because the hip, young, liberal demographic is into that.

The only page that looks like it wasn’t pieced together by an army of assistants is The Kutch’s. I mock the guy, but his page is a messy jumble of stuff that real people would actually use, like sports scores and dumb youtube cartoons, instead of a Punk’d widget and a picture of a trucker hat. But other than the Kutchster’s, every page is so generically representative of the public’s view of these celebrities that you can’t help but feel an advertising firm thought it all up while Keith Urban or whoever played golf on the moon while rolling in million dollar bills in a suit made of even more million dollar bills.

So iGoogle Showcase is basically just a cross-promotional marketing tool. That’s fine, and marketing has it’s place. Maybe someone will find a widget they like from the page of their favourite celebrity, or discover some news about someone they’re interested in. But let’s not pretend that these are actually the homepages these celebrities customized and use every day. The sites are such flimsy, cookie-cutter representations of the celebrities’ public images that insisting they are personal is only contrived and artificial.

So why even talk about Showcase if it’s so shallow and pointless? I will make a feeble attempt at answering this question. It seems to me that iGoogle Showcase is representative of a larger trend in which technology is suddenly very cool. Some might even call it hip if they are so inclined.

I’m not sure when it happened, but at some point tech and tech-culture went from being simply a useful thing for some and a geeky obsession for others, to the prime way for celebrities and public figures to garner some cred with fans. Between The Kutchinator running a competition with CNN to see who could reach a million twitter followers first, and news sites and blogs all over the web obsessing over whether or not Obama is a Mac user, you can’t seem to avoid the new-found trendiness of technology.

Even late night, normally a safe haven where fads and trends are mocked mercilessly, has gotten in on the act. If you can manage to stomach an entire episode of the Jimmy Fallon show you will be exposed to an incredible amount of shameless pandering to the technology crowd, and even Conan O’Brien, who I distinctly remember mispronouncing modem during an old episode, has a skit about twitter every night.

Some of this new focus on technology is obviously very good. Obama’s change.gov site, with its technological agenda, is leap years ahead of the technologically ignorant stone-age that was the last administration.

But I imagine not everyone will see it this way. It’s probably safe to say that many people out there hold a personal attachment to the nerd culture of technology, and many of those people understandably feel as if Hollywood is merely cashing in on their beloved sub-culture. Like someone who suddenly sees their favourite band go mainstream and finds that the music that meant so much to them on a personal level is now being eaten up by everyone in the world, geeks the world over feel violated by the commodification and abuse of their geek and tech culture by celebrities who are merely using it to get a bit more publicity.

The angst of geeks who are caught up in the new Hollywood obsession with their world was summed up pretty nicely in the response to the I Am a Geek video, released last month. Wil Wheaton, star of Star Trek TNG and famous hardcore nerd, was involved with the video and said of it that it seemed like a promotional opportunity for celebrities who don’t know a damn thing about our geek culture, which sums up nicely how most geeks feel about the new found celebrity status of geekiness.

In short, the sorts of celebrities that are featured on the iGoogle Showcase are the exact ones that nerds are shaking their fists at right now, damning them for invading their castle and abusing their culture.

I tend to look at it a bit differently though: being a geek is suddenly cool. Not just cool among an ever-growing population of geeks, but cool among people with a lot of sway, geeky or not. Further, geekiness is not just cool, but influential. Geekiness has become powerful.

I guess that “The Bible” thing was right; the geek shall indeed inherit the Earth.

(I apologize profoundly for that joke. Please don’t melt my computer with your nerd powers.)

Interview with the Internet

I know that history proves the Internet to be a very secluded and quiet being, but I had some questions that just needed to be asked. After months of communicating and negotiating with the Internet, I was finally granted permission to ask it a few questions.

I was only allotted a few questions, so I tried to cover as much as I could while attempting to draw out evocative and prudent responses. I understand that I was bestowed the responsibility to speak for many, so I hope I was able to draw out some answers to your own questions.

My Interview with the Internet

Me: Thank you for this opportunity, Internet. Let us begin.

Internet: Let’s.

Me: Sunday school had taught me that God is everywhere. I was told that God surrounds us and is in each and every one of us. You, Internet, are everywhere. I breathe you into my lungs, you pass through my head like radio waves do, you’re in every building, you float through the air, and I bet that if I had a waterproof laptop I could find you underwater. Internet, are you God?

Internet: Oh, I wouldn’t say so. I am not everywhere, only wherever humans are. Humanity is my restriction. Some people have argued that I am all-knowing. It is true that I contain nearly all of humanity’s knowledge, but what you humans do not know I also do not. My vast knowledge may seem all-encompassing to a human, but compared to the knowledge of a god I am negligible.

Me: Internet, will you ever be free to use?

Internet: There are a number of pioneers out there who are attempting to provide free usage for everyone, but it doesn’t seem likely. There is a system already in place where you pay monthly fees to access me. Companies restrict your usage depending on how much you pay, and there are others that are restricting your access if they find you using certain downloading programs such as torrents or P2P networks. There are too many ways for companies to take advantage of what I have to offer for me to ever be truly free.

Me: What do you think is your greatest contribution to society?

Internet: Well, I’d say that would have to be its evolution. Life as you know it has changed drastically over the last two decades. Businesses and the marketplace rely on me to make all sorts of transactions for them, so much so that they wouldn’t know what to do if one day I just disappeared. Beyond the fiscal world, I have been an integral force in evolving human communication and creativity. The freedoms of speech and expression can surpass national laws and restrictions. Any and every person has the ability to share their voice on the web.

I am also proud that writing has made a comeback as the prime form of communication. Telephones were the death of letter writing, but now emails and text messages have brought writing back, baby! I’m a big advocate of writing if you couldn’t tell, my entirety and existence is pretty much based on it.

Me: Over your short commercial life, you have evolved greatly. Internet, what do you think of today’s Web 2.0 and your future?

Internet: Web 2.0 is great in many ways. People find me easier to use these days and have become very good at searching for the things that interest them. Attention is being spread across my infinite number of websites, giving web entrepreneurs a better chance of being seen. The Web 2.0 movement has made the web better because there is now more competition amongst websites to capture the spotlight and bask in its glory.

The blogosphere is excellent as well. As I already said, everyone now has the opportunity to get their voice heard. I think this is great. People have different opinions, and some are very extreme. Whether what you have to say is good or bad– it is just wonderful that you have the chance to say it.

The future, I’m not too sure about. Things could get even better, but if the big guys get there way with things then it all could go to shit. I know that most of you have read about the different ideas being thrown out there, initiating class systems for web usage and web hosting. It’s total BS. Things have already started going in that direction. Companies want to make it so the big spenders get better and faster web hosting while the average user gets the crappier end of the bargain. It’s really up to what you guys can accomplish and what you guys fight against.

Me: That’s a scary forecast. We’ll do what we can, Internet.

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Internet: Thank you. I don’t want it to be that way. I encourage you to speak out and use whatever I can offer you in your quest. With your immeasurable numbers, anything is possible.

Me: One last question, Internet. Did Al Gore really create you?

Internet: (laughter) No.

Me: Thank you, Internet. It’s been a pleasure.

Internet: The pleasure has been all mine.